The Terrible Twos (Eeeeeeekkk!) -- a.k.a. Monster Abbie

I've never been one to strictly tell the good stories. In fact, during the lifespan of this blog, I've spoken my mind about the good, the bad and the ugly of motherhood, of my daughter, and of myself as a mother. To me, admittedly a very complicated person, it's not about whether the glass is half full or half empty, but rather what's in the glass.

These past few days, tantrums it's been the what. And this one mom feels half empty.

Since Sunday afternoon Abbie has been going through some sort of "phase" (according to Christopher, for whom babyhood, toddlerhood and 'lifehood' in general is an ever evolving series of "phases"). The "phase's" mechanism consists of the sudden vanishing of my little girl as I know her, and the appearance of this Abbie-look-alike who screams, cries, throws herself on the floor and misbehaves up the wazoo. We have been butting heads for almost three days, Abbie and I, and I am at my wits' end trying to impress upon the 14-month-old that I (of undisclosed age, but way older) am the boss. We don't see eye to eye on that... And while she cries tears of raw anger and disappointment, today she had me in tears of frustration and exhaustion -- and many of them. For once, and humbly, I say: I really don't know what to do.

My mother, who is here visiting since last week, is witnessing the worst "phase" Abigail's had since her entrance into the world. And she assures me that sparing the rod is spoiling the child, and that I "got my spankings when I deserved them". Looking back at my childhood and teenage years, I have to admit that I was a very good kid. I never really got in trouble, if you exclude the occasional white lies and the sporadic missed curfew... But, really. Never did drugs, cut classes only a handful of times, never went to wild parties, never drunk too much, and never went astray. So, I'm left to wonder: is "spare the rod spoil the child" really the answer? And when is a good time to start? While all the pediatricians who have seen Abbie have commented on how "advanced" and "ahead" she is is for her age (emotionally as well as cognitively), I don't think that she'd understand my spanking her. Then again, maybe she would and might benefit from some "tough love".

I absolutely hate having to wonder about things like these. But I do, oh I DO, hate Abigail's attitude as of late. It drives me up the wall, and it frustrates me to no end. It also causes me emotional pain for some odd reason. But even worse than all that is not knowing what to do. I don't want to scar my little girl for life... if you listen to some experts as well as regular joes, that's what "the rod" does. Others will tell you that "the rod", in moderation and at the right times, is an invaluable lesson.

Ok, so here is the thing, and more "whats" for my damned glass: I want her to understand the difference between what's acceptable and what is not. How do I do it? How do I handle my high-strung baby in such a way that it becomes a positive lesson learned with the least amount of trauma? I am looking forward to the "phase" to be over: to less crying, less screaming and less floor-wiping.

I think I am facing the "terrible twos" already. And my glass is full (yes, you heard me) of whats, self-doubts, fears and questions. Of course, I'm not surprised... Being "ahead" of the times comes with a price. I wish someone had told me that too.

P.S. -- It didn't help matters any that, right after I published this post I got an email from ParentCenter.com saying (and I am quoting): Why is discipline such a big dilemma? Because it feels like a tightrope act. On one side there's the peril of permissiveness — no one wants to raise a brat. On the other side there's the fear of over-control — who wants to be the hardliner raising cowed, sullen kids? 

Yeah, right?