T'was a year ago tomorrow...

I can hardly believe that Abigail will turn one tomorrow. It has been a year of love, passion, laughs and, at times, tears. Dickens said it better than I ever could: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

A year ago tomorrow, my shiny little Eternal Sunshine was a teeny tiny baby working her way into our world. I will never forget the first moment I laid eyes on her. She was all red, messy, quivering, and all I could really see were her arms and legs moving uncoordinately. Then, she was laying on me, looking right into my wide open, incredulous eyes. Thousands of thoughts and feelings were racing through me. But through it all, I noticed her long fingers, her little mouth, her piercing stare, her dark hair, her perfect ears, the rosy cheeks, her little swollen nose... She was perfect. My daughter had finally arrived.

A ago year tomorrow, I entered the doors of the hospital not knowing really what to expect, nor how I was feeling. Nine months of reading, talking, pondering was coming down to my crossing those doors... - and no, I didn't know how I truly felt. I remember getting into the hospital gown, lying on the bed, being hooked up to monitors and drips. I remember how nice everyone was. Laughing and joking a lot. I remember my mom, writing down details of the day, and my husband, always by my side, holding my hand and saying "can you believe we are going to have a baby, today?" Could I?

I remember, with a smile now, my mom commenting that the Pitocin was dripping very slowly. According to her "we'll be here for ten hours" Well, she obviously is not a doctor. The drip was started at 8 am, and by 12 pm I was in full-fledged pushing mode. For a little over 2 and a half hours... I remember thinking "My God, how long will this go on for??" I was tired. So very tired... I remember the doctor and the nurse commenting "the way she is pushing, this baby should have come out long time ago." I remember asking: "what's wrong?" and feeling a tinge of panic. Abbie was stuck on my tail bone, she had it rough. And she was facing the wrong way. The doctor was preparing to perform an episiotomy and get the vaccum ready to help speed things along. I was told to stop pushing - my immediate response was a breathless "Thank you...!" But it was a minute later that Abbie came out like a freight train. She did it, all by her little self. It makes me smile to think of it - of Abbie saying: "Alright, people, enough of this! You want me to show you how it is done?"

A year ago tomorrow, I received one of the biggest gifts of my life.

A year ago tomorrow, I became a mother - to the most beautiful, adorable, quirky, smart, funny little girl. I love my Abigail. I love every smile (many!) and every tear (a few) she has brought into my life.

I never thought that one day I'd be able to say "my daughter". So I'll say it again: Abigail, my daughter. My precious baby, whom I love and adore. It has such a beautiful sound to it: Abigail, My Daughter.

I am grateful. I am forever grateful to God and all the stars above for her. With her I received a blessing, a love story, a constant for my life. "It was the season of Light". It had barely started.