The circle of life - In Memoriam

The tide rises, the tide falls,
The twilight darkens, the curlew calls;
Along the sea-sands damp and brown
The traveler hastens toward the town,
And the tide rises, the tide falls.

Darkness settles on roofs and walls,
But the sea, the sea in darkness calls;
The little waves, with their soft, white hands
Efface the footprints in the sands,
And the tide rises, the tide falls.

The morning breaks; the steeds in their stalls
Stamp and neigh, as the hostler calls;
The day returns, but nevermore
Returns the traveler to the shore.
And the tide rises, the tide falls.

[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]


Our beloved friend has died on Tuedsay, June 24th, killed in Sadr City, at 10:30 pm by a bomb blast, while working as an interpreter and cultural advisor for the Provincial Reconstruction Team of Baghdad.

In memory of a great friend, a wonderful, sweet man, whom Abbie will never get to meet.

I love you. We'll miss you forever. It was my greatest honor having known you. Addio, amico mio.

Abbie and that Baby in the Mirror

Abigail has a special friend: the Baby in the Mirror. Every time she catches a glimpse of her own reflection, she's all giggles, frantically waves hello while trying to reach over to touch the Baby. When she gets close enough, she just kisses the image, tilts her head to one side while laughing, and starts talking to "that Baby in the Mirror". All sorts things, she says to that Baby. I love this game of hers.

Of course she recognizes what she sees in the mirror -- whether it's me, or her papa, and even herself. But I love to tease her by telling her: "Oh my goodness, here's that Baby in the Mirror again! Go get that Baby in the Mirror, Abbie!"  She gets the biggest kick out of that.

Today, Abbie caught her image reflected on the fireplace glass in the living room. I was getting her ready for the night, and she was wearing only her diaper when she broke free. She crawled at a fantastic speed toward the fireplace, and, wow!, all of the sudden there was that Baby in the Mirror! She stopped in her tracks with a gasp, turned to me with the broadest of grins, and then faced her own image for a few seconds. Then the giggling match began: I am still trying to judge without prejudice whether the winner of this competition was Abigail or that Baby in the Mirror.

She waved "hello", and then reached over to touch the image. She then paraded back and forth, crawling to the left and the right of the fireplace, while looking at herself. She had the time of her life, and so did I, enjoying this fascinating pantomime between my daughter and herself (all the while taking tons of pictures, of course). She talked, laughed, but even more fascinating, kept on crawling out of the glass' visual range just to slowly poke her head forward and catch that Baby in the Mirror by surprise!

I always enjoy Abbie and the Baby in the Mirror. But tonight, this little, elemental game deserves its own post: in all its simplicity, it just shows Abigail's ability to have fun with whatever she might come across. And, of course, it's time to introduce her little friend, too!

Every Rose has its Thorns

This was one of the hardest mornings I have had with Abigail since her birth. One where everything that could go wrong did, and one where nothing I tried made things better for either Abbie or myself. "Her teething is out of control", I tell myself as a consolation, or better yet, as a justification for how hard to handle she was all morning. The fact that her teething really *is* out of control is actually secondary to the relief it provides when compared to my irrational fears: is this her true self? Is this what she is going to develop into? How am I going to handle it? Will I be able to handle it?

The whiny, unhappy, tantrummy kid that would barely take a breather in between cries was a nightmare to me. We both cried: she out of... random "babyness", I guess, and physical discomfort. I cried out of frustration and physical pain, since she bit my cheek so hard she actually broke through the skin and I bled. I tried to hide my tears from her, but I cried for quite a while.

This morning, when confronted with Abigail at her worst, I recoiled in bewilderment. I looked at things with such a different attitude, that I am ashamed of myself. I saw myself sitting on the floor trying to come up with things to distract her and provide whatever comfort I can, and thought: "Wow. Bet you didn't think about this when you decided to have a kid, huh? Now there you are, and there is not a damn thing you can do about it! Did you ever think you'd be at the age you are at, and have your life run by a nine month old? Bet not".

What am I, a fair-weather mother? Do I regret having had Abigail? And the answer to the latter is a rotund NO. I am not, I could never be. Yet, I find it so hard to reconcile, at times, the utter and passionate love that I feel for her with the desperation that, if only for a moment, overcomes me. I knew it would not be easy, as independent as I am. I was aware that it would not be all peaches and cream. I am not a fool, nor do I wear rose-colored glasses. My struggle is purely emotional, when I feel I'd rather be doing anything else but dealing with a baby who is having a fit, a baby that I love more than life itself. It seems so inconsistent and contradictory...

Are there any other degenerate mothers, out there? Am I the only one who feels this nonsensical way? Probably.
But today, after I put her to bed for her nap and run a quick checklist of the events of the day, I realized that motherhood does not fit me like a glove: I hate the constant battles -- to feed her, to change her diaper, to fit the schedule, to make her take a nap. Maybe accepting these shortcomings of mine as a mother, is the first step to help me through the hard moments, for which I have not developed a thick skin yet.

As I looked at myself in the mirror I saw my puffy cheek, my red eyes, my unkempt hair, and how old I feel and look. I could barely recognize myself. I don't know where I went.

Abbie, my love, when and if you will ever read these words, just remember one simple truth: it wasn't always a walk in the park for you and I. But I get up every morning at the very first sound you make willing and yearning to take that walk. And that says a lot more than what I have written up until now: that I love you. Because I would never -- never had -- stick with what I don't like, can't accept, and makes me unhappy. My life is a blatant example of the fact that I will not be tied down to anything or anyone that makes me miserable. I don't spend every day with you out of duty, but out of love. When push comes to shove, honey, this is the only thing that really matters.

I had to let it out.

In the 20 minutes it took me to write this, I have already looked at the clock twice, wondering when my daughter will wake up, so I can scoop her up in my arms, and make the best out of the remainder of the day.

First time in the Pool - check!

On Sunday, June 8th, we took Abigail to the pool for the very fist time. I did not know what to expect, quite frankly. But she loved it! The water was warm and shiny in the sun. She was a little disoriented, it seemed, by the big floating "doughnut" we stuck her in, and it took her a few minutes to get acquainted with it and accept that she would not be fully independent while in the water. But once she did, she enjoyed us pushing her around the water. We all had a great time!

She squealed and looked at the people swimming and basking in the sun, the lifeguard, while waving "hello". She kicked and splashed around for a long time. Also had a couple of brief crying spells, mostly due to her getting tired and over-stimulated.

Abbie tried to drink some of the water by attempting to stick her head under it (much like she does when she is taking a bath...) Yuck. She did not succeed this time either.

BAM! Abbie and Emeril Lagasse, part deux

Well, yesterday was an eventful day. Abbie had her nine months Well-Baby Check Up. She is doing great. She is "very well proportionate", said Dr. Cross (whom we love), and her teeth are coming in really straight.

ABBIE'S STATS:
Height -- 29 inches (92 percentile)
Weight -- 19 lbs 12 oz (80+ percentile)
Head Circumference -- 43.8 cm / 17.24 inches (80+ percentile)

Luckily, she did not have to have any shots, like I was dreading. She did have to have her finger pricked for some blood (to test for anemia), but she did not even flinch. She got out of the appointment with flying colors, wearing two cartoon stickers on her little dress, one for each finger poke! What a cutie :-)

Right after that, we went to Whole Foods. There, Emeril was once again shooting his new show, Emeril Green, for Planet Green/Discovery Channel. We were looking at some strange fuit on display in the produce section, when Emeril comes behind us (followed by his camera crew), and started talking to us about the fruit in question. I made a total butt out of myself, I was taken really by surprise, but that does not matter. What *does* matter, in all its cuteness, was how Abigail and Emeril had their moment: he complimented us on how cute she is, and then said "Hi there" to her. Christopher was holding her in his arms, so Abbie and Emeril were head-to-head: she waved at him, and when he started to wave back, she pushed herself forward, and slapped her little hand on his, giving him a totally unexpected, big, fat High Five. I had to hold myself from laughing out loud, but Emeril did laugh.  All that, on camera! It was funny. 

We had to sign release forms so that they may use the segments that they shot while we talked with Emeril. I hope they edit me out (as I am sure they will, they don't want silly sounding people in their show), but keep little Abbie. That would be a tender touch for any show.  We can only hope, and we will see.

Once again, Abbie had her brush with fame, but all she cared about was to make a new friend. They told us that the episode that they were shooting is Episode 130 of his new series. We cannot wait to see it!  Way to go, Emeril! BAM!

The Teaser Becomes the Teased

I've always found joy in teasing kids. Weird little pranks on kids, mainly for my own amusement. Most of the time though the Laughs-To-Trouble ratio has been very disproportionate. I've gotten into serious trouble with some of my teases, innocent in intent as they were.

But now the table has turned, and Abbie has put me in my place. I've never met anyone who teases me as much... and gets me every time! I'm such a sucker. And she's not even a year old.

The first tease is one I've mentioned before: the "Head Shakey-Shake." Abbie and I have storytime before she goes to bed, where I will lay next to her and read stories to her. Half-way through yet another rendition of The Going to Bed Book, Abbie will turn to me and get a big grin on her face. Then she will shake her head back and forth quickly several times. Then she'll stop, turn and look at me, still with the big grin. That's my cue to do the same. I'll shake my head back and forth several times, then stop and grin at her. Then she picks it up and shakes her head again and again.

This will go on for a minute until one of us gets a headache - usually me. It's not until later that I realize she's suckering me into shaking my head and rejoicing in my reaction.

The next gambit is literally called, "The Sucker." On random times when I'm holding her, she'll turn and glom onto my cheek. Once attached, she'll make a "wa wa wa" sound as she mouths my cheek. I then giggle with glee and this cute little act.

But then... out comes the we slobbery tongue. I immediately recoil: "Ewww! Baby drool!" With the sour expression still on my face, she'll pull back and grin at me with her tongue out, blowing a razberry. She just loves to gross me out on that one.

There are many other little games and pranks she plays on me. I wonder how she got so clever, and more importantly, why I *always* fall for them! Just goes to show - what goes around comes around! I'm just wondering what she has in store for her prey as she gets older!

Abigail's first bike ride!

Today we had our new child seat installed on Christopher's bike.  We all walked together to the bike shop, and were just excited about trying it out.  Abigail loved it from the get go!!!  The only part of it she protested to was when we tried to put the helmet on her: she said "oh, no, think again!"  She totally enjoyed our trip back home on her bike seat, she smiled and giggled, and thought it was the best thing ever invented!

After we came home, I started having second thoughts about having had the bike seat installed on C's bike: it should have been mine!!  That way, Abbie and I could go on a nice bike ride whenever we want to!  Oh well, maybe we'll just have to get another one, because Abigail's enjoyment from the experience was truly priceless!  There she is in the pictures I took when we got back home: she is looking for Shelby who started running after C and her! It was another great day, I cannot wait for more fun times like today!

A Wedding Anniversary Celebration

Yesterday it was our 6th Wedding Anniversary.  [Wow.  I can't believe it has been this long already: it still feels like we got married only yesterday!]  Our friend Sean celebrated it with us, and took us out to a late lunch in Old Town Alexandria.  We went to the wonderful Union Street Public House, which is a yummy, cozy restaurant we love.

We had a great time, especially Abigail: she tried some of my Filet Mignon, and she simply loved it! In fact, she attempted to get some off my plate while I wasn't looking.  I also gave her a little piece of tomato, and she ate it, but was a little confused about the tiny leaf of lettuce: she spit it out. She got into everyone's plate, except for Sean's, which was out of her reach (but she was eyeing it). She was unhappy that she did not get to taste the oysters, but as much as I love to expose her to new foods, there are limits! As usual, Abigail made some friends: a nice pair sitting next to our table befriended the little bugger, and she showed off her ability to wave hello/goodbye, and talked with them several times.  It was funny how she pointed at everything and everyone, uttering who knows what.

We got stuck inside the restaurant longer than we anticipated due to a couple of decisively heavy showers, and while Sean and Christopher boldly and fearlessly confronted the elements to go get the car (which was not parked anywhere close-by), the older gentleman at the adjoining table came over to sit with Abigail and I. He played and talked with Abbie for a while, which I thought was very sweet.  She showed off her new teeth smiling big, and uttered a few, deep thoughts and he replied to her, so they kept it up.  A very kind waiter also came over and engaged the little chatter-box in another conversation.  Thankfully, he was not put off by Abbie's spilling some of my water on the table (she, by the way, thought that was hilarious). When the guys finally came back, we wanted to go around Old Town for a while, take Abbie to the pier to satisfy her intense love for water, but the only water she got to see was the splatter from the rain on the windshield of the Murano.  Even so, she was as happy as a clam.

This was one of the best Wedding Anniversaries ever: we not only celebrated with a dear friend before his final departure from Virginia (the one sad note of the day), but, especially, it was the first one we shared with our itty bitty Abbie. She, of course, had no idea how special the day was for us, nor that she made it even better with her smiles and bubbly personality. This truly was a day to remember: on a scale from one to ten, it was definitely an eleven.